Stop cutting your hair.
Stop taking showers in the morning.
If The Graduate soundtrack is too sad, then don’t listen to The Graduate soundtrack.
Convince Nolan that you’re not listening to anything he says, but actually listen to what he is saying.
Hang out with Elle.
Your photos could be worse, but they could also be better.
Stop getting your advice from Dead Kevin sketches. Except this one.
Maybe get a bra that fits.
Stop taking Buzzfeed Quizzes. You already know you are Chandler, Jared Leto’s man bun, and Gordie LaChance. (Congrats on getting 20/20 on “Who the Hell is That Person in Game of Thrones?” though.)
They don’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t get the outcome you wanted. And that sucks, but who cares?
You pierced the toast, so what?
Not enough people have seen The Birdcage.
Go to Big Sur. Again. Then again. And again.
When Finn Jones is having lunch across the table from you, you say hi.
Cool it with this Rooney binge.
Find a way to make money off your Bob’s Burgers’ marathons.
Fill up your gas tank before the little light goes on.
Stop writing your imaginary book.
Keep writing chapter titles of your imaginary book.
“You’re the Worst”
“That’s Not Real”
“I Am Afraid of James Franco”
“Sam and Diane Forever”
“In-N-Out is a Sustainable Meal, Mom”
“We’re All Just Shitty People”
“An Archive of The Walking Dead GIFS I Send to My Brother”
“I’m Not That Afraid of James Franco Anymore”